It’s time to throw away all of those cookie-cutter date questions (What’s your sign, what are your hobbies, what’s your favorite color etc…). If you’re going to nab the RIGHT man it’s going to require digging a bit deeper than those tired questions will go. You should use your questions like an ice sculptor uses his pick. Each question should be used strategically to chip away at your candidate’s true image.
Throughout this article I refer to your date as a “candidate”. I’m doing this strategically. If you’re serious about meeting your ideal match, you must stop viewing the guy you’re out with as a dinner and movie partner. You should view him as a potential candidate for a serious relationship and maybe even marriage. If you approach each “candidate” with that perspective, it could save you a lot of time and unnecessary heartache. I’m writing this article to empower you to ask the right questions on the front-end so that you won’t be disillusioned on the back end. Now chip away!
1. Tell me about your relationship with God
The spirituality question is extremely important because it gives you a glimpse into the spiritual depth of your candidate. If you’re looking for a guy that only gives lip-service to spirituality but has no real connection with God, this question is unnecessary. If you are serious about finding someone that is intimately connected with the Divine, this question MUST be prioritized above all others. Notice that the question is open-ended. Many women simply ask, “Do you know God?” This restrictive question only allows two answers, yes or no. Any guy can fire off a quick “yes” and move on to the next issue without really detailing the depth of his knowledge of God. DON’T LET HIM OFF THE HOOK THAT EASY! If nabbing a spiritually connected guy is important to you, give your candidate the opportunity to talk extensively about it. A guy that’s truly spiritually connected will welcome the conversation and he will be able to explain with ease the dynamics of his relationship with God.
2. What are your short-term, mid-term, and long-term plans for life?
This is a loaded question that will help you discover if your candidate has an ambitious drive. Once you ask this question, listen for an articulate, clear and compelling vision. If the candidate cannot intelligently respond to this query, PROCEED WITH CAUTION. It would be horrible if you ended up with a guy that is complacent and content with mediocrity. He might not be a millionaire now, but he should be able to explain how he plans to get there. He might not have 700+ credit now, but he should have a strategy that will enable him to achieve it. You need to know if the guy has given some forethought to his life, or if he’s living by the seat if his pants. The last thing that you want to do is join him on a ship that’s destined to sink because he doesn’t know where to steer it.
3. Who are your greatest influences?
Every Human being is a byproduct of the mentoring and leadership of others. Women need to realize that every man has been shaped and molded by someone- negatively or positively. The people that influenced your candidate have contributed to his philosophical views on life and relationships. Discovering who your candidate views as a hero will give you a glimpse into his values, philosophical leanings, and where he derived his world view. If the guy tells you that his greatest influence was his deceased homie Peanut from Compton, WALK AWAY SLOWLY. Not to say that Peanut wasn’t a good guy, it’s just that a hero should be someone that he aspires to be like. Remember this, WHEN YOU ENTER INTO A RELATIONSHIP WITH SOMEONE, EVERYONE THAT HAS INFLUENCED THEM ENTERS IT ALSO. They will bring the thinking processes, values, temperament, and quirks of others. If a man tells you that no one has influenced him, it’s a sign that he possesses a “me against the world” mentality. Generally, men that live with this mentality make their own rules and only look out for their own interest.
4. What motivates you?
Ladies, if you can’t get a rich man; GET A MOTIVATED MAN! Riches follow motivation. In question #2, I instructed you to find out your candidate’s life-plans. This question is a good follow-up to question #2 because a plan is only as good as the motivation-level of the person that made it. If a man lacks motivation, it doesn’t matter how many plans he has, none of them will come to fruition. Allow your candidate to tell you how he manages setbacks and where he finds the resolve to keep moving. Listen intently as he describes what he views as his fuel for success. Motivation can come through recognition, a sermon, a reward, an achievement etc… You need to know what picks your candidate up when the inevitable trials of life knock him over.
5. How do you define success?
The word “success” can be defined in so many ways. Some people view success as obtaining a six-bedroom estate. Some people view it as scoring a major record deal. For others, success has a more humble meaning. This question is critical because it allows you to see how your candidate views life. Is he solely concerned about accumulating wealth or is his view of success more holistic and inclusive of those around him? Ultimately, it will be difficult to find compatibility with someone that answers this question differently than you do. If you guys define “success” differently, that means both of you will be pushing in opposite directions. Sure, over time someone might bend and adopt the other person’s view of success, but why leave something so important up to chance? Use this question as an early indicator of whether or not you two are on the same page.