Sally is new to dating coaching and started off with wanting to learn how to weed out the wrong men. She said, “Every time I meet someone on a dating website, they turn out to be completely opposite of what I read about them. How do I weed them out?”
I told Sally this is an excellent question, one that many women would like to know the answer to. It’s too bad that people aren’t as they describe in their profiles. The problem is most people don’t really know how to explain who they are and the majority of online profiles sound surprisingly similar. That’s why I help a lot of dating coaching clients write their profiles – so they can stand out from the crowd and get noticed more quickly.
The trick to weeding out the unsavory or wrong types is to read between the lines. For example, if he talks about sex in his profile, guess what his main interest in meeting women is? Yup – probably not looking for a long-term relationship. Sometimes you have to exchange a few email and talk on the phone. Sometimes you can’t tell until you meet face to face for an hour.
I totally understand how Sally feels. It’s frustrating to meet men who aren’t who they say they are, misrepresent themselves and just plain lie. But don’t think this behavior is limited solely to men. Women do it too. As a dating coach, I think it helps to remember that there are all kinds of people out there and bad behavior is not only for men.
With my dating coaching clients, we work on creating a system to qualify prospects before meeting them. Most clients have found with a few changes and some new savvy about the process, they get much better at reading between the lines and weeding men out who are not appropriate.
Keep in mind that in order to find your prince, you have to weed through a lot of frogs. That’s just how it works and there’s no way around it. But you will learn a tremendous amount about yourself, what you are looking for and what will work for you as you move through the process with your eyes, heart and mind open to men and love.
Sometimes women think the dating process should be instantaneous and easy since you can just pick the right man from the “online catalog” of Match.com. Unfortunately, that’s not realistic. It takes time, patience, faith and the ability to laugh and stay light-hearted!
Don’t let yourself get down about it. Look at it this way – every man you meet brings you one man closer to the right one for you. He’s out there, I know it. I found love over 40 and so many of my clients have found love. And that means, you too can find the love you want and deserve.