Just about every woman at some point in her dating life will fall for a bad boy. From gangstas to thugs, O.G.’s to Mac’s in training, they all have one thing in common – they play the game of love by their own set of rules and if you break the rules you’ll end up with a broken heart. What is a bad boy? He’s a thug, a roughneck and a rebel without a cause. Or he could be the nice guy next door who’s smooth as silk, but deep down inside he’s a cold-hearted cad. Bad boys are the type of guys your mother warns you about, but because they’ve got thug appeal you throw common sense out the window and caution to the wind.
What you must keep in mind when dealing with a bad boy is that most of them see women as conquests – something to be captured and conquered. And when the thrill is over so is the relationship. Although many of you know this, some of you chase after thug love hoping to be the one to change him. In the end you’re left feeling hurt and betrayed. And you know when you’ve got a guy who’s not acting right because you’re probably quick to tell your girlfriends what to do the minute their boyfriends start acting up. But sometimes it’s easier to tell others what to do then to do what you know is right.
I know firsthand what it’s like to be captivated by a bad boy, because up until I learned how to make healthier relationship choices I was a die – hard bad boy addict. I wouldn’t even look at a guy unless he was a roughneck with a bad attitude.
But years of emotional roller coaster rides, baby momma’s drama and being played for a fool made me wake up and smell the dysfunction. As a result I developed some common sense strategies that helped me break my bad boy habit. I share them in spirit of sisterhood, hoping that they help you too.
Why Do Girls Like Bad Boys?
If you ask most females why they like bad boys they’ll say the challenge, the excitement or the thrill of living vicariously. But often what starts out as an exiting high-speed adventure ends up turning into an emotionally draining melodrama. Bad boys offer a double dosage of pain and pleasure. When they’re bad they’re down right awful, but when they are good they make you feel like you you’ve just hit the lotto. Here are the most common reasons that females like bad boys.
Secret Fear of Intimacy
If you are attracted to guys who you cannot really have, because they don’t want a real relationship or they’re involved with someone else – perhaps you have a secret fear of intimacy. The reason you may find a bad boy so appealing is because you can be with him without ever letting him get too close. As long as he remains unavailable he can never get close enough to hurt you.
A Subconscious Wish to Bring Daddy Back Home
As you already know the relationship you had with your father shapes the relationships you will have with other males. If you grew up without a father or if he was emotionally unavailable you may find yourself getting involved with men who act just like your father. Although you risk getting hurt by being with a bad boy. You might be hoping that if you stick around long enough eventually he will give you the love you didn’t get at home.
Low self-esteem
When you feel good about yourself you set high standards in every area of your life – including your romantic relationships. If you are in a relationship with a guy who lies, cheats, talks down to you or mistreats you in any way then regardless of what you may want others to believe you do not feel good about yourself. When you value who you are you treat yourself with high regard and require others to do the same. Know that you are worthy of being treated with kindness and respect.
Media Brainwashing
If you’ve ever watched an episode of Jerry Springer or the latest music videos you can see how the media potrays the bad boy image as every girl’s dream. Popular television and music videos try to make you believe that it is acceptable for guys to disrespect females and reduce then to sex objects. Think of Jay Z’s “Big Pimpin'” video or the Lox’s ” Need a Ride or Die Chick” and you can see how the media pushes the bad boy image as the ideal. You don’t have to buy into everything the media feeds you. You can make up your own mind regarding what is attractive and acceptable. There’s no good reason whatsoever to stay in a relationship with a guy who doesn’t appreciate or respect you.
Copyright © 2000 by Cassandra Mack