To conquer low self esteem we must first know what ‘self esteem’ is or at least our own definition of it. Below are definitions by ordinary people and as you will see they vary from person to person; pick a self esteem definition that is closest to your own description.
– Self esteem is when I feel good about myself.
– Living by my own values, beliefs, and convictions.
– Self esteem is the absence of self hate.
– Being confident that I can achieve anything I set my mind to.
– A state of total and absolute freedom. Freedom to choose to be myself.
– When I deeply and completely love and accept myself.
Now let us look at an opposite for each self esteem definition from the list above and from it we can begin to see what low self esteem is.
– Self esteem is when I feel bad about myself
– Living by the values, beliefs and convictions of someone else
– Self esteem is the presence of self loathing
– No confidence in achieving anything
– A state of total and absolute restriction. Conformity with everyone else
– I don’t like myself
If you or someone you know has low self esteem it will be based on one of the above or similar but when you bring it down to the nitty-gritty low self esteem basically means ‘a low opinion of oneself’. You feel fault in yourself and your ability to cope with your life experience and often this can be masked by aggressive and/or boastful behavior.
Other symptoms include; habitually putting others down, fear of change, sensitivity to criticism, critical of others, critical of self, perfectionism, a constant need to prove oneself and or impress others etc. etc. there are many symptoms and people will hide behind bravado while inside feeling in a state of insecurity and panic.
They will often feel that they are the victim and that it is someone else’s fault or blame the circumstances or environment they are living in or what they want but can’t have as the reason they feel so low. It is never their fault or always their fault and spend most of the time they are stuck in a cycle of loathing and self pity, whether obvious to others or not.
As you can see the total focus when in a state of low self esteem is what is wrong or what is to blame for the unhappiness or the circumstances being experienced and from that more of what is being focus on is being realized. It is becoming a habit and a self fulfilling prophecy.
Conquering low self esteem and breaking the habit involves changing your focus. It is not going to happen overnight. Habits are formed over a long time and you must retrain your mind to focus on what is good and right about your life rather than what is wrong. Whenever you feel you are moving into a negative state focus on the good things you have in your life. It could be as simple as the sun on your back on a summer day, the affection of a pet or smell of roses in springtime.
Life could never be so miserable that joy is totally devoid; get into the habit of seeing the good in yourself and other people. Get into the habit of seeing what is positive in your life and rather than feeling of lack and limitation. Feel the joy of being grateful and appreciative even if what you are experiencing is ‘real’. Even if you are experiencing great difficulties take joy in the fact that this is temporary and that your new focus is bringing you a far better life.