“My daughter makes a big deal about everything, her clothes, her hair, her latest clash with a friend. She is only 10 years old. Life with her is so unpredictable. How can I get her to tone it down and be more relaxed?”
“My 6 year old cries over everything. Sometimes he falls and he cries even though I know it doesn’t hurt him. Every toy that breaks, broken cracker or spilled milk is a major catastrophe. What can I do to get him to stop being so reactive?”
Children who are sensitive and dramatic can be a challenge. These children are also full of life. These attributes can be assets for them as adults. Children who are dramatic can be great actors, motivational speakers and activists. Sensitive children can be attentive doctors, therapists, and parents. As parents we need to learn how to channel their unique character traits in a positive way.
There are many ways we can do so. Two of the most effective techniques are role modeling appropriate behavior and reinforcing a child’s positive behavior.
1. Role model appropriate behavior:
Children see everything we do and take their cues from us. It would be beneficial for parents to take a look at their own personality. How we respond to disappointment and life’s challenges will directly affect our child. Sometimes drama runs in the family. If we tone it down so will they. Let them see you composed and unruffled, when you burn dinner, have a run in with your mother, and the waiter gets your order wrong.
You can also talk with them how you struggle to control your behavior. For example you can say: “Today I got to the doctors office and they were delayed one whole hour. Boy was I mad and disappointed! Usually I let them know how I feel and I don’t care who is listening. This time I pulled the nurse aside and told her quietly and politely that is was frustrating to wait for the doctor. I really kept my cool today.”
2. Reinforce the child’s positive behavior:
Whenever your child exhibits any type of calm, serene behavior, point it out to them. The more you focus on their positive behavior the more positive behavior you will see. You will need to be creative and have a sense of humor to do this properly. Here are some examples of what you can say:
a. “I saw that when Mandy took your toy away you just got another toy to play with. You reacted calmly and maturely. (Even if they were done playing with it.)
b. “I needed to change my plan and go shopping for your new shoes tomorrow instead of today. You just said, ‘Mom that’s okay!’ I am glad you were so calm about it.” (You can say this even if she had something better to do, like go to her friends or out for ice cream with her Aunt.)
c. “You had a rough day today. I saw it in your face when you came home. Instead of complaining about it you went straight to your room to pull yourself together. That is a good way to handle a bad mood. (Even if she stomped her feet and slammed the door.)
d. “You were so angry today about Jessica getting the same new coat as you. You wanted to be original. You cried and yelled about it but then you calmed yourself down. It probably feels good to be calm again.”
Role modeling appropriate behavior and focusing on and emphasizing our children’s positive and calm behavior are innovative and original ways to improve our child’s persona and actions. These techniques can changes our perspective and help us connect with our children. They can transform potentially harmful and destructive interactions into relationship building moments.
For more tips like these and to join our parenting workshops visit http://www.parentingsimply.com.