Have you ever worked for someone where you felt that you could not be yourself? Where you realized after a while that you had shut down parts of you. This happened to Josh. He started his job enthusiastically wanting to contribute and grow. Josh had a boss who always had to be right. This meant that whenever Josh or his co-workers presented their ideas they were shot down or dismissed. Josh became discouraged and felt intellectually stifled. He did not like what was happening to him. At some point Josh accepted the fact that his boss was not open to change and in order to feel OK about himself he had to find another job. The difference was amazing. Now he had a boss who believed in growing his people and Josh found himself thriving in this new environment.
Maggie grew up in an alcoholic home. Alcoholism affects everyone in the family. No one can freely be themselves. Maggie’s brother could do no wrong, younger sister was the rebellious one, and Maggie was cast in the role of being the good kid. Mom was dependent on alcohol and Dad’s process was to not make waves. Everyone was locked into their roles and true open honest communication was not possible. When Maggie was in her late forties she realized that she really had choices in her life and it was up to her to change the role she had so dutifully maintained all these years.
What we see from these two examples is that in Josh’s case the work environment was emotionally restrictive and in Maggie’s the alcoholic home environment had cast her into a role that did not allow her to be her authentic self. The boss who always had to be right unfortunately was not willing to look at his part. Maggie, although successful in her career, was stifled emotionally until she began to learn healthier ways of taking care of herself. All communication patterns are learned and can be changed at any age. It takes a desire to grow into the person one is meant to be and then taking action to make it happen.