There’s someone specific you’re interested in, and you’re not sure what in the world you should do about it. Should you:
(a) Let him know?
(b) Find out if he’s interested in you first?
(c) Do nice things for him so that he’ll notice you?
(d) Unleash your inner sex siren and use him as target practice?
(e) Agonize indecisively until he walks out of your life forever?
First of all, I want you to know that I don’t criticize you for picking any of those options. Sometimes we don’t get up the courage to approach the man of our dreams, and that’s OKAY. Our painful feelings of regret will drive us to make sure we don’t let a second opportunity pass us by.
Every man we meet gives us an opportunity to find the seduction style that best suits us. For some women, pulling out all the stops makes the poor man’s jaw drop, while other women pull it off with flare. Some women are too sensitive to rejection to approach a man without knowing that he has at least some level of interest in her. Other women find it easier to be blunt and find out, once and for all, whether their interest is reciprocated, so that they can get on with their lives.
What I CAN give you are 3 tips for ensuring that you don’t make a fool out of yourself in your attempt to attract a man that you’re interested in.
1. Don’t make assumptions.
You won’t know if he’s perfect until AFTER you’ve been in a committed relationship with him, so don’t jump to the conclusion that he’s Mr. Right just because he’s so good-looking and so nice and such a catch!
Very few women understand that the perfect relationship is not composed of two perfect people: it’s composed of two imperfect people who happen to work harmoniously together.
He may be the perfect man on paper, but that’s no guarantee he’ll be perfect for YOU. You have no clue what a man will be like as a boyfriend or a husband until you’ve been in a committed relationship together for some time.
So steer clear of assumptions about what kind of couple you two would make. Right now, you’re only making a guess that you two would be good together. Wait and let time tell the whole story.
2. Don’t give up your power.
Time and time again, I’ve seen beautiful, intelligent, fiercely independent women become doormats when they fall in love with the wrong guy. They believe that it is a sign of their deep devotion when they take drunken calls from him, accept verbal abuse, and do nice favors that are rarely reciprocated, all the while defending the object of their affections: “He didn’t mean it.” “I have to be the better person.”
Men know when we’re silly-mad in love with them. They know that they can do anything, and we’ll still love them. As a result, many of them like to test the boundaries, just as children test the boundaries with their parents. Some men stay out late; other men say hurtful things. Still other men sleep around.
When a woman gives away her power in the early days of a relationship, then she must be willing to accept the consequences.
One solution is to hold yourself back just enough that you stay clear-headed. If you feel yourself becoming overwhelmed by emotion around him, so that the stars in your eyes are obscuring your vision, excuse yourself. Step outside or use the bathroom. Remind yourself that although you’re enjoying his company right now, you don’t know him very well. Stay alert for any signs that there’s something “off.” Take what he says on good faith, but don’t believe him blindly.
I’ll leave you with a story about how one man, a self-confessed player who dated up to four women simultaneously, chose the women he would seduce. He admitted that he never was able to date “intelligent” women, because they would see right through him. He had the highest chances of success, he said, with women that seemed “clingy.” In other words, women who liked him too much.
3. Don’t let yourself feel embarrassed or ashamed around him.
This, you might think, is a strange recommendation. Why would a woman feel embarrassed or ashamed around someone she likes?
Shyness. The feeling that she’s not worthy of him. Embarrassment about the explicitness of her fantasies about him. Anxiety caused by not knowing what she can do to make him attracted to her.
Need I go on?
Clearly, we can experience a number of uncomfortable emotions when we’re in the presence of someone we like a lot. Our emotional discomfort will often cause us to act in artificially ways. For example, we may become brighter, more bubbly versions of ourselves. We may talk faster or in a higher-pitched voice than usual. We may flirt in ways that seem completely out of character.
Worst of all, we may avoid direct eye contact with him, because we’re worried that he’ll see through us into our hearts and discover the truth.
To be your authentic self around the man you like, you must not let feelings of shame or embarrassment keep you from feeling confident, genuine, and at ease around him.
For more information on how to do this, and how to overcome shyness, which is one of the biggest factors preventing us from approaching men that we like, visit my website! I offer a free newsletter series that includes articles on how to ask a man out WITHOUT asking him on a date, how to get more male attention, and how to get noticed if someone you like doesn’t even know you exist. Sign up today at:
http://www.000relationships.com/tomen