As the recession wreaked its havoc upon families across America and around the world a new way of thinking and living was born out of the rubble of job losses and impending home foreclosures.
Thousands of couples who had been intending to divorce during these perilous times were either forced or willingly decided to re consider their options.
Many divorcing couples with mortgages and children found that selling their family home was almost impossible as the bottom had literally dropped out of the real estate market so made the decision to proceed with the divorce but keep living together. The idea was to wait until their house had sold for a fair price before they finally divorced. To part company with their finances up in their air would have put them and their children in hardship.
This also applied to couples who had become divorced but had not been able to sell their home or settle the family debts perhaps due to a job loss. This is why there are now thousands of couples who are divorced and living together.
So how can two people who had decided their relationship was over do a complete U-turn and stay together?
NECESSITY could easily have been the catch phrase of 2010 as so many divorced or divorcing couple set about creating a whole new life where they were no longer married in the true sense of the word but were instead ROOMMATES.
Under the umbrella of this new lifestyle they would have had to put in place a clear view of the future and know what goals they both wished to achieve to for them to both move on in a healthy fashion. That is emotionally, financially with plans set in place for their children’s future.
In most cases this would mean waiting until their house sold for its market value so as to avoid any outstanding debt left with their bank or loan provider. Credit card debt and hire-purchase agreements would all have to be divided or paid in full otherwise their credit rating would plummet leaving them both with the potential for an unhealthy financial future. Leaving a marriage is hard enough without the added pressure of wondering how you will survive day by day.
If there are children then the situation becomes even more complicated as most parents would want to know their kids are fed, clothed and cared for once mum and dad have parted ways. Children can be extremely resilient and may see this new arrangement as a good thing because their parents are not quarrelling with each other. I believe if they are old enough they should be told as they have a right to know and formulate their own judgements.
Some people believe it can make the transition to living with one parent easier.
As a couple goes from loving married partners to roommates new structures would have to be put in place. The first is sleeping arrangements and privacy zones.
It is true I have read of some divorced couples still sharing the same bed but I think most ex husband’s or wives would want their own space to retreat to if things ever got a little crazy. It acts as a safety net and allows each partner that all-important time out.
Many couples reported getting on better once the pressure of the marriage was no longer an issue.
There will be many things to consider such as which partner (or both) will hold the family purse strings and pay the monthly bills to how new schedules and boundary setting will impact on the family dynamic
The most important thing to remember is that you are both in this together in order to survive through hard times. Putting all animosity aside is the key to a harmonious living arrangement. A positive attitude is essential and also respect for each others personal space. Just think how much easier life will be for you both once you have parted. So many divorces are very ugly as each husband or wife does their level best to bring the other to their knees. The children are the ones who suffer terribly through this as they are often forced to take sides in this war where no one ever really wins.
If you are separated but living together or divorced and living together you can make this work as many ex couple have already proven. Why walk away from a marriage with nothing when you can leave the relationship with your finances in order, happy children and maybe even a brand new best friend.