Control is something we all want. People want to control other people, situations and events – to name a few. In reality though, the only thing you can actually truly control is you – to be more precise, your thoughts.
When we try to control other people we cause conflict, upset and pain – to both the other person and ourselves. The thing about the control we desperately crave is that we all look to control outside factors, in the faint hope that we will be able to gain some control in our own lives.
There are really only three main emotions:
- Love (including happiness, peace etc)
- Anger (including hate, unhappiness, etc)
- Fear (including uncertainty, dread etc)
All our feelings are a combination of these emotions. Love draws you towards something; anger creates conflict, ultimately pitting you against something, whilst fear chases you away from things. By controlling (or attempting to control) outside factors we are really just trying to reduce anger and fear, whilst increasing love and all those emotions related to it.
The good news is that it is easier to get control of everything – by controlling your thoughts. There is one important point to remember, to remind you that you are in control:
- Each event or situation that happens in your life, is neither good or bad – it’s just an event or situation
It is our interpretation of the event or situation that we CAN control. The event itself doesn’t cause you to feel the good or bad emotions – it’s your REACTION to the event that does.
Let’s look at an example – you lose your job. Now, if you loved your job, got on well with your boss and put in the time, you’ll feel naturally upset – however, if you hated the job, you’ll probably feel relieved or happy!
By looking for the positive in any given event and situation, you can turn them around to be for your benefit in some way. Is someone shouts at you, you can decide if you get angry or not. Maybe they had a bad day, maybe they remind you of what you don’t want to be like and maybe you did something to hurt them – it’s your choice how you react.
Changing the way you act in any given situation or event is really down to you changing your attitude to them. Take a second to take a deep, slow breath in before you react, to give yourself time to decide how you actually want to react. Too often, we allow our subconscious to decide how we react to any given situation – this is why you feel out of control – so take back control by deciding to control how you react!