Life has a tendency to throw things our way that we don’t expect. Many of life’s personal challenges seem to come straight at us out of left field. It’s hard when this happens, particularly if you’re a sensitive and compassionate woman. We want to be as kind, considerate and empathetic to others as we can be. It’s a part of the fabric that we’re woven from. So what’s a woman to do when she’s trying to remain calm and centered and has an ex boyfriend to juggle? The answer isn’t easy and becomes exponentially more complicated if that ex boyfriend is someone she still cares deeply for. If the woman in question is you and your co-worker at one time was your boyfriend, you’ve got your hands full in an emotional sense.
“I work with my ex boyfriend,” is never an easy thing to say. Admitting that you feel trapped within the working relationship is actually a good thing. Some women plant their heels firmly into the invisible sand and declare that they aren’t going to keep working with their ex so he has to leave and find new employment. If you’ve already tried doing this you know it won’t work. If you admit to yourself that working with him is painful, you’ll then be able to equip yourself with the emotional tools you need to get through each day. You can even conquer this to the point that his presence doesn’t affect you at all.
Begin by acknowledging that you two had a relationship. If you pretend that he’s just another co-worker you’re not going to fool yourself. Admit to yourself that you had deep feelings for him and that those feelings caused pain when you two did break up. If you refuse to admit that you felt anything and you try constantly to convince yourself that his presence in your workplace means nothing to you, you won’t be winning any battles. Instead, look at him, embrace what he meant to you and accept that the romantic part of your relationship is over now and you two are solely co-workers.
Talk to him about any loose ends that may be floating between the two of you. If you ended the relationship with a huge argument, now is the time to clear the air. Resentment can very easily creep into your working dynamic and others will notice it. If you don’t want your situation at work compromised, you must learn how to handle any issues that are still causing friction between you and your ex. Have this discussion outside of the work environment. I wouldn’t recommend asking your ex out for dinner as this can easily be misinterpreted as a date. Instead, suggest a coffee during your lunch break or at the end of the day. Be clear when you do talk to him about any lingering problems between you two. Just explain that you recognize how important his job is as well as your job and you’d like him to help you work towards a resolution so there aren’t any bad feelings between the two of you that might impact your performance at work.
It’s also a good idea to try and steer clear of any conversations he may be having publicly about his current dating life. This can be hurtful, even if you feel that you’ve moved forward and away from the break up. It’s best not to tempt fate by finding yourself in the middle of a water cooler discussion about how great his new girlfriend is. Keep to yourself at work, and your ex boyfriend will soon become just another guy you see at work.