Perhaps the most sought after condition in my mind as I was raising my children was harmony. As teenagers they would ask what I wanted for my birthday and harmony was often the first thing to pop up. It seemed like the household was filled with individuals who all wanted to “be right” at the same time, all the time.
I know that I contributed to that scene because “being right” was always very important to me; pulling on my end of the rope and winning seemed so crucial, almost life sustaining. I could write a whole book on the phenomena of not wanting to be wrong, but my purpose here is to just present one of my conclusions.
Winning a battle is not the only way we enjoy being the victor. Other situations include being judgmental when people act in ways we think are erroneous, or correcting things they do because they are not perfectly executed even though we get the intended result. The last one is analogous to not liking a wonderful gift because the wrapping is not quite right. What is more important here, the content or the packaging?
One of the best examples of this can be observed with our language, especially grammar. I use this because misuse of grammar can be a major pet peeve. Spelling and grammar always came easy to me so I thought it was that way for everyone. My mother was such a stickler for correct grammar that my kids often were alienated by her constant corrections. Not a bad thing looking back because life offers many lessons and that was a good one for me, and an inspiration for this conclusion about the downside of “being right”. I used to join in with those seriously offended by the misuse of words as though we had been subjected to fingernails on a blackboard. Do not get me wrong (no pun intended), I appreciate words spelled right and used properly, but I no longer think that is as important as the meaning at the core of it. All that correction only causes separation, and to me that never brings much peace.
In fact, the whole concept of “I am right so you must be wrong” always causes separation. Operating on the premise that we want to be right to the degree we want to be separated could definitely apply here. I reached a point in my life in the last decade where oneness and unity indicated more than individualism. During that process, at one point I felt like I did not really know anything so how could I possibly be right. It became easier and easier to let others “win” and to see how unhappy being right usually made me feel. Maybe not wanting the walls to exist between me and others needed to happen first, before the compulsion to be right would stop rearing its unattractive head.
Judgment, correction and needing to win the battle are on the same side of the coin. We all see people who seem to thrive on those conditions, and I contend that they are the ones usually the most unhappy, but there I am being judgmental again. I think I will refrain from judging or correcting them, and instead offer patience and love until they too can be wrong and happy. You are more than welcome to join me.