You may wonder – why is a tantra teacher speaking of self-control? Isn’t tantra all about allowing my desires to soar free, and to indulge in all the sexual thrills that I have been suppressing so far? Doesn’t every second tantra master I find online promise me the power and freedom to indulge in unbridled erotic adventures?
Do not believe these so-called tantric experts. They are frauds who have never bothered to understand what ancient tantra actually teaches. They play on the sexual fantasies, fears and feelings of inadequacy that haunt most modern people today. As a tantra teacher who has received his knowledge from an unbroken line of the Indian sages who first formulated this science, I can tell you that this is all hogwash.
Sex in a tantric relationship is based on the concept of worship – and not just any kind of worship. If you watch how a traditional Hindu in India performs his acts of worship, you will understand.
There are acts of purification. There are temporary periods of abstinence – from work, from food and from sex. There is single-minded devotion to the deity. There are rituals to help the worshiper to stay focused, and his or her soul is shaped from a rough stone into a beautiful diamond in the process. And through it all, great discipline and self-control are key factors.
In a tantric relationship, we leave our animal nature and instincts behind. There is no unrestrained indulgence in sexual pleasures – rather, tantric sex is an act of worship, of devotion to one’s mate. It is not about you – it is about him or her. And in this selfless giving pleasure as an act of worship, you yourself are filled with sublime joy and rewarded with the highest form of spiritual as well as erotic experience.
However, it is not easy to reach a state in which you can give and receive in such a worshipful manner. The human being is, by nature, untrained and self-seeking. Imagine a situation wherein you are ready to pleasure your intimate partner and suddenly lose all interest in anything but your own gratification.
It is all over in a couple of minutes; you yourself feel the incompleteness of the act, but your partner has been completely short-changed. He or she feels used – perhaps even abused.
When you learn tantra from an authentic tantric teacher, you are being trained to give and receive pleasure in a meaningful, worshipful and self-controlled manner. There is no shortcut to such a state of being. You will have to tread the spiritual path that tantric seekers have had to follow throughout the centuries.
But when you have advanced sufficiently in your training, the rewards are more than you could have ever imagined.