DUDE – you’re becoming a freaking nerd…
Read this, you’ll see what I mean, and I’ll show you a great way out… so that you get the awesome benefits from your glorified hobbies without secretly becoming another Steve Urkel…
You ever wonder what a nerd is? As soon as I say the word, a certain image comes to mind… Like smart, dorky, geeky, wears glasses, weak, not masculine, etc.
Actually, I have a 5 part definition of what a geek is:
1. A nerd is someone who is socially out of step, and does not have the social acuity to know how they are out of step with others, BUT – they are aware that they are out of step, and they don’t like it. It makes them self conscious and insecure.
Most nerds may realize that an obsession with, say Star Wars… is not “normal”. Fair enough… But busting out random Star Wars jargon on a date? That is that is the “social out-of-stepness” that is the hallmark of a nerd.
2. Beyond that nerds immerse themselves in a particular subject. Nerds absorb particular areas and become so engrossed by it, that there becomes an imbalance. While they have extensive knowledge in one area, they lack basic general skills, like social skills for example, because they’ve immersed themselves in their obsession so deeply, that those skills have become neglected.
3. Nerds are notorious for clinging to their obsession while in social situations… they do this to seek refuge because they are not very good and chilling out, enjoying the social vibe, and being in the present moment. Smart nerds cling to academia. Star Wars nerds cling to Star Wars. Seduction nerds cling to the seduction community. Personal development nerds cling to personal development…
Nerds “cling” by constantly talking about their obsession, and using “lingo” that only come from their inner circle of fellow nerds who are in step with their obsession.
4. Nerds are very good at creating a “social disconnect”. This “clinging” creates a social disconnect with other people. Most people unconsciously know how to vibe with other people. When a “normal” person meets with a nerd, and the nerd cannot vibe with them, but rather creates a mechanical life raft out of whatever nerdy obsession they have, then it creates dissonance in the social vibe, and this in turn is a turn off to most people…
Anytime someone says, “Ugh! You’re such a NERD!” It’s probably because you were clinging to your nerd-speak rather than just vibing with the other person, and subconsciously other people could feel your grasping, and it made them feel uncomfortable.
Nerds are not very good at staying in the present moment around other people, and it creates a disconnect. This is why by-the-way, it’s so important to know how to “be present” with other people. It is basis upon which healthy emotional bonding occurs… As opposed to egotistic validation… or being a nerd…
5. Nerds are too busy looking for acceptance from other people to embrace their own nerdiness. This is the nerd “kiss of death”… If you’re going to be socially out of step, at least own it 100%, and be proud of who you are. Most people – no matter how cool they pretend to be – are just as insecure and unsure of themselves as the dorkiest nerd.
In this regard, nerds are not too unlike ultra cool people, because they are brave enough to stand out of the crowd… except that ultra cool people OWN their uniqueness, and they wear it comfortably and proudly. This MAKES them cool.
In fact what is perceived as “Dorky” in a nerd, is “eccentric”, “quirky”, or “funny” in a cool dude. Look at the way Andre 3000 dresses… One would say that he looks very nerdy… but nobody thinks of him as a nerd, because he OWNS his style.