Jealousy and insecurity can wreak havoc on any kind of relationship. These toxic emotions create toxic relationships and can drain you of any chance of living a life you’ve always wanted.
Your life may be full of people who are draining your energy due to an incurable case of jealousy.
How you can tell if your partner has an extreme case of jealousy?
These are a few ways to be tell if your partner has an extreme case of jealousy that could drain you in your relationships. They will do some or all of the following:
- Tell you how to dress; act, wear your hair etc.
- Be overly concerned about where you are going when socializing;
- Insist on escorting you to mundane places like the grocery store;
- Interfere or veto your social plans;
- Make excessive phone calls to know your whereabouts;
- Be intense about everything;
- Be unable to communicate and discuss anything with you;
- Put you down and will do anything to make you feel inferior;
- Have a negative outlook and poor self-esteem/lack of confidence;
- Be dominant in domestic arrangements;
- Be aggressive and displays an unreasonable attitude to minor details
One of the hardest thing for women to recognize in a man is to confuse traits like confidence, determination, persistence and ambition with aggressive behavior due to a lack of confidence. When a man portrays persistence due to insecurity and jealousy it can become a recipe for disaster in the relationship stage. In the dating stage, this person appears charming and charismatic. However, once a relationship is established this person begins believing that they will lose their partner since THEY BELIEVE in and of themselves that they don’t deserve to be loved.
Confronting the Jealous Partner
Before you decide to confront the jealous partner, you must decide whether or not the relationship is salvageable. You may do this a number of ways, but I recommend some of the articles here! Personally I have found that recharging myself and reconnecting with my goals is a good way to get to the root of me. Once I do that, I can easily identify those individuals that care about my goals and dreams.
Then once I know that, I can pick out those individuals that have the potential to support me and those that I can rule out. For the supportive partners have a conversation with them that provides constructive feedback and criticism. This feedback can explain in detail how what they say makes you feel.
The Five Steps to Confronting your Partner
- Set the Stage – (Be positive) “Let’s honor/rekindle/reconnect in our relationship and I would like to be truthful/honest/forthright with you ” I wouldn’t start out saying, “You have a problem/You know what your problem is/what’s your problem”
- Explain how you feel – When you do/say _______, It makes me feel ___________
- Ask – Would you be willing to stop saying/acting/doing _____________?
- Listen – Listen to their response and try to detect or determine sincerity. A sincere response will be one that appreciates your feelings and your courage to say something. If the other person objects, shifts blame to you or pokes fun/criticizes you then consider that person a jerk and disassociate yourself or continue a toxic relationship
- Summarize and then reaffirm – Repeat their response and acknowledge you heard them and repeat your concern and consequences. As an example, “I’m glad you are willing to change your behavior of ________ of/towards me which makes me feel like ____________. OR if they continue toxic behavior say “I’m sorry that we cannot come to an understanding. “Since this really impacts my feelings and is very important to me and you seem to disagree, I think continuing this relationship is not a supportive and nurturing environment for me and I have to part ways.”