In our parents’ day, there was a whiff of scandal attached to the divorcee – a woman who had left her marriage had to be some sort of a floozy, after all, and was considered “tainted goods.” Today, however, divorce is much more commonplace, and not necessarily the result of some sort of scandalous turmoil. After all, many couples choose to end their marriage simply because they do not love each other any more, or because they’ve found themselves bickering so much that they just cannot get along.
If you’re in your 30’s or older, you’re likely to find yourself meeting many attractive women who are divorced. And you’ll find that, in many ways, they are different from single women. They have already been married at least once, which means there isn’t a lot of mystery left where men are concerned.
They have lived with the dirty socks left on the floor, the milk drunk straight from the carton, and the unfortunate smells that all men let loose when they’re not worried about making a good impression.
And they have also, for whatever reason, seen their marriage go down the tubes. If you are interested in attracting a divorced woman, here are a few simple guidelines:
1. Be fun to be around.
A divorced woman has already been in a serious relationship, and there are few things more serious than divorce. She wants to laugh and have a good time. Chances are, her ex-husband wasn’t very pleasant to be around towards the end of their relationship – now she wants someone who’ll make her feel good about life. So be that guy!
2. Don’t dwell on the past.
That goes for you as well as her. Talk about your past relationships, of course, but focus on starting a whole new, better chapter of your life. If you’re divorced yourself, don’t talk endlessly about your ex-wife. Answer her questions respectfully, then move on. The two of you should be looking forward to the future, not dwelling on past mistakes.
3. Take the relationship slowly.
You may be the first man she’s grown close to since her divorce, and no matter how eager she may be for intimacy she may not be emotionally prepared yet. Have dinner, go dancing, take in a movie or concert, kiss her goodnight and then go home. There’s always time for more if you keep seeing each other – but you don’t want to sabotage what could be a great relationship but jumping too quickly into the next phase. You’ll be all the more attractive to her if you don’t push.
4. Wait to meet her children.
If she has kids, then being the new man in their mother’s life is a big responsibility. Wait until you’re sure that you definitely want to be involved with her for more than a few casual dates before you introduce yourself to her family. This will help both of you, and she’ll appreciate your maturity and consideration.
5. Do not compare yourself to her ex.
You may very well be better looking, be a nicer guy, and make more money than he did, but it’s not a competition. In fact, if she harbors any warm feelings for her ex-husband, she may resent you for implying that he is a loser. After all, if he’s such a loser, what was she doing with him? Comparing yourself to her previous spouse is just asking for trouble.
6. Make her feel safe.
A woman who has been divorced has had her heart broken once already, and she’s probably worried that her next relationship will end just as badly. Be reliable, honest and kind. Make her realize that you aren’t going to date her and then discard her. She deserves your respect and love, so treat her that way!
7. Be prepared to be a “rebound” lover.
No matter what you do right, she may not be emotionally ready to jump into a new relationship. You may get nothing but green lights from your divorced woman, only to get the “I think we should just be friends” speech when you least expect it. If you’re patient, she may still come around – but then again, she may not. Remind yourself that she’s be burned once before, and her fear is natural. Don’t take it personally – just dust yourself off and keep on living your life to the fullest.
There are unique challenges to attracting a divorced woman, but with a large amount of patience and respect you may find that she’s wiser, more grounded and better equipped for a relationship than a single woman. Just remember that all women need to feel appreciated, whether they’ve been married before or not.