You have just met this great guy and he has taken you on a few dates. You have known each other for a couple weeks and you really like him. This particular evening, you have ended up at your place on your cozy couch, watching a movie. The movie has ended, and all of a sudden things have gotten steamy. He is making moves and you feel that he wants to go all of the way. All of a sudden, all kind of questions enter your mind: Do I really want this? Is this too soon? Is he going to like me the next day? Does he just want sex from me? How do I know if he really likes me? Do I really want to have sex? Am I really enjoying this? What is he really thinking? Do men just want sex? What should I do?
Have you ever had any of these thoughts? If you are like most women, you probably have. Well, want an honest guy’s perspective? Want to know what goes through the guy’s mind in this situation? Read on! Before we start, let’s clear up something right off. Do men just want sex? No. But many women complain that guys only want sex. And unfortunately, some guys feel bad about this and decide to suppress their sexual drive, when, in fact, there should be nothing wrong with guys wanting to have sex. It is completely normal and the truth is, yes, most guys do want to have sex. After all, women, you would not want to get a guy who is not sexually interested in you, right?
So, if that is the truth, how do you know if you are having sex too soon, if he actually likes you, if is he going to call you the next day, and what he is really thinking about? As a disclaimer, I would like to say that the following advice is mainly for those that choose to have sex before marriage. Ultimately, my advice is always to follow your heart. If in your heart you believe that waiting to be married before having sex is the right thing for you, then the easy answer for you is just to wait. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise just because it may seem as if everyone else is quick to jump into bed or because the media is so explicit about sex. But for those of you who are struggling with the decision about when is the right time to have sex, keep reading.
Believe it or not, men are very simple creatures. The truth is that we men often don’t think much before we do something, especially in situations where all of our blood is flowing south, away from our brain. So, now that we’ve covered what is going in a guy’s mind in the heat of the moment, let’s help you generally understand men, because the more you understand them, the better decisions you will make for yourself. Remember that ultimately all that men want is to make you happy. But it is very hard, if not impossible, to respect your wants and wishes, if you don’t express them or respect them yourself. Just because a man wants to have sex with you and is physically attracted to you, does not necessarily mean that he also feels an emotional, mental, and/or spiritual attraction as well.
Healthy chemistry and attraction between men and women often develop differently. Men usually get attracted to women first physically and only after that, mentally and emotionally. Women, on the other hand, usually first develop a mental or emotional attraction, and only after that does the physical part kick in. This explains why women can easily misinterpret men’s advances of wanting to have sex as meaning that he must also care for her. Since, intuitively, the woman would generally want sex only if she felt that she really cared for the guy, she is now going to assume the same is true for the guy, in reverse. So, before having sex, make sure you are not mistakenly setting yourself up to be hurt. Don’t assume that because he is physically attracted to you, he also really cares for you.
My second piece of advice explains why waiting to have sex later on can actually be a win-win situation. Women often make another mistake in thinking that if you don’t have sex with a man, his interest in you will drop. This is simply not true. Although, it is true that men do want to have sex, it is also true that waiting to have sex at a later time can actually increase the passion in your relationship and work to your benefit.
Many women have either heard stories of men leaving their friends-or have experienced this themselves-for reasons of not having had any sex. This automatic association simply is not true. While there are many men that are looking for just sex, and while it is of course true that if you did date one of these men they would probably leave you because you did not have sex with them, the men that actually care for you will not leave you for that reason. And if you were looking for a more serious relationship, you would just be glad that those who were looking for sex did actually leave. If a man really likes you for who you are and cares about you, as you are dating he would not leave you because of no sex.
Some of you may already doubt what I am saying, but allow me to explain further. Over the past ten years, I have seen, experienced, and come in contact with an increasing number of very nice and caring guys who want to make a relationship work just as much as women do. The truth is that men today also yearn for a satisfying, loving, and happy relationship. While there are also many jerks that often give men a bad name, I have almost daily come in contact with many really nice guys who truly want to make relationships work.
Although these men, if they did date you and liked you, would probably want to have sex with you, they would not leave you just because you wanted to wait while getting to know each other. In fact, the more they actually got to like and know you, the more they would probably want to make the occasion special as well. Realize that for a guy to wait to have sex actually helps him search out how much he would want to be intimate with you. This gives the passion in your relationship a chance to grow even more.
There is wisdom in waiting. As you wait to have sex with him, he will have the opportunity to first find out whether he really likes and cares about you. If you are able to make your dating experiences positive without sex, this delayed gratification will also help him through those tough times in your relationship when you are not seeing eye-to-eye. The more he experiences being successful in making you happy while you are dating, the more he will have the confidence in himself when times get tough and you are not always as happy with him as in the beginning.
Realize that waiting to have sex for the time when you feel you are ready can actually help increase the passion in your relationship and assist your guy to become the best man he can be. As long as he feels hope and he has succeeded in making you happy, I promise you there is no threat in saying no to his advances.
So, if in the heat of the moment you feel that you are not ready, this is what you can safely say: “Hey, I really like you and this feels so good, but I am not ready to go further yet. I just like to go slow.” By saying this, you have communicated that you want him to wait, yet you have also done it in a way that also tells him that he has made you happy. In fact, you’ve given him the courage to continue to pursue you. Should he disregard your wishes, repeat the phrase and be firm.
It is important that you communicate you wants in a way that does not make him wrong for wanting sex, but at the same time makes it clear to him that you expect him to respect you as well. The more mature you are and the better you know yourself, the easier it is for you to know the right time for you. In the end, follow your heart and remember that the more you respect yourself, the more others will respect you. And this applies to men and to women.