Emotions as Tools Model
Anxiety is a future based emotion. It is looking into the future with a sense of dread.
Anxiety is worrying about an event that might happen.
(While failing to see the possibility that it might not occur.)
The message of anxiety (what your feelings tell you about how you perceive what is happening to you at the moment) is that you believe there MAY be a threat facing you that might cause you great harm.
Anxiety is “what if” on steroids!
Anxiety can…
- stop you in your tracks and prevent you from taking action
- overwhelm you with feelings of dread, shortness of breath, or agitation
- keep you awake at night
- make it difficult for you to think straight or make decisions.
This is the DISTRESS side of anxiety.
Example:
A colleague of mine who is responsible for maintaining a website became very anxious when his home network was running very slow. He knew he needed to upload some information that was time sensitive. He started to “catastrophise”. He was very distressed. And, he was stuck!
(Catastrophising is when you think about the worst possible outcome in your situation and react as-if that outcome is an absolute certainty.)
In his mind, he ONLY saw the following scenario..
- I will fail to meet my deadline.
- My reputation as a copywriter will be damaged.
- My future business will suffer.
- I will not be able to get any more work.
Reacting as-if this future was certain to happen, he became even more anxious, distressed, and unable to think straight. He was stuck.
His anxiety blinded him to the following information..
- He had other options for completing his job.
- The deadline was not “set in concrete”.
- Even if he did not meet the immediate deadline, his reputation was solid and would not have been severely impacted.
In what ways do you catastrophise when facing a situation about which you become anxious?
Some examples include:
- Asking for a raise at work
- Needing to change jobs because of unacceptable circumstances at work
- Needing to talk to your spouse about finances, unacceptable habits, or other topic
- Needing to learn to give a speech in order to advance at work, hold a volunteer office, etc.
- Wanting to ask someone out on a date (Perhaps, you are post-divorce and back in the “market”.).
Using anxiety as a tool.
The key is to RESPOND (not to react) to your anxiety.
1. View your anxiety as a messenger telling you that action may be needed.
2. Use your anxiety as a motivator to take action.
This is the EUSTRESS side of anxiety.
You use your anxiety as a motivating tool when…
- That report is due at work, or at school, and you stay up all night to get it done.
- You are going on vacation in two days and you manage to clear your desk and make arrangements so you can leave without worrying about what happens while you are gone.
- You start a new business, buy a new car, or take out a loan on a house and you read all the documents a second time to make sure that “all the i’s are dotted and all the t’s are crossed”.
FOUR anti-anxiety techniques for using your emotion as a tool. (V.E.M.A)
1. VALIDATE
Validate (accept) your feelings.
(“I am really anxious right now.”)
The point here is that your anxiety is telling you that you are facing a big challenge and must prepare for it.
Accepting (validating) your feeling opens you up to the opportunity to examine your anxiety and benefit from its message.
2. EXAMINE
Use your anxiety as a wake-up call to examine the “reality” of the threat.
Ask yourself these questions:
- What is the “threat” that I am facing?
(In the above example, the threat is the slow internet connection which was preventing my colleague from uploading his information. The threat was real. It was not catastrophic.)
- How important is it for me to eliminate the threat and get the “job” done?
(If the “job” is very important, then you will need to figure out a plan of action. If the “job” is not really that important, then choose to let the feelings go and move on.)
- What do I need now and what skills, knowledge and experiences can I call upon to move forward?
(My colleague needed a network connection. With his focus on solutions, he realized that he could borrow a network at a friend’s house or Starbucks.)
The point is that you have knowledge and resources upon which you can draw to help you move forward.
Your anxiety, if not used as a tool, can distract you from seeing these resources.
3. MOTIVATE
Use your anxiety as a motivator to charge up your creative juices and push you to making plans to use the resources you have or will develop.
(“I can use all this nervous energy as motivation to get this “project” back on track.)
4. ACT
Take action.