Herbert is sliding a cream-cheese coated piece of bacon into his mouth while boiling his cabbage soup and slurping a Slim-Fast Shake. Herbert is on a diet.
He’s a creative man. He’s not about to listen to some crusty guy with letters behind his name in regards to the contents of his fridge. But he will listen to three of them.
Herbert is combining three fad diets: The Atkins Diet, The Cabbage Soup Diet, and the Slim Fast Jump Start Diet.
The Atkins Diet
Limit your consumption of root vegetables, ban white rice (3 billion Asian people are wrong?), and eat as much greasy meat and cheese you can consume without nausea.
The Cabbage Soup Diet
Cook a huge pot of cabbage vegetable soup. Eat all the things specified from Day 1 to Day 7, AND whenever you’re hungry, eat as much cabbage soup as you can stomach (you’ll probably get a sore jaw and a bad gas problem, before you get full).
Slim Fast Jump Start Diet
This diet tells you to eat vegetables, salads, Slim Fast shakes, and sugar-free gelatin (that’s bone marrow, for anyone who didn’t go through a vegetarian phase).
I don’t have letters behind my name. I’ve got a love handle or two. But Herb: What are you thinking? My opinion is that we should all love the shape we come in, but if your shape is bringing you grief, read on.
“The Trisha Diet” (why not?)
- Take the insurance off your car, and then walk around downtown looking for a Drive-In Movie Theatre.
- Attach yourself to the back bumper of a slow-moving vehicle (wear runners).
- Sell every dish in your house.
- Break into a serving career (think of each customer as a personal trainer).
- Take up smoking cigarettes. You’ll have something different to do with your mouth, and you’ll look really cool.
- Drink coffee and coca-cola whenever you’re hungry and dance in your living room until the buzz wears off.
- Vacuum the entire house every time you see a crumb (this will also encourage you to not eat all those evil carbs).
- Spend lots of time with your special someone in a power outage.
- Start a hobby farm in your backyard and promise to eat only personally slaughtered chicken.
- Have a baby. George Junior on the hip is like free weight-training and labour is apparently a very good work-out.