Losing someone is never easy. The grief that follows is a process with no time limit. Many people join support groups designed to help those who are grieving, to give them a voice about what their process is like. In today’s techno-savvy world, more and more people are joining these groups online, either through a specific site such as Grief Share or social media sites like Facebook. No longer do we have to trudge to a weekly meeting; you no longer have to get dressed or go outside. You can just log in and you have support. But is this truly beneficial?
When I first lost the love of my life, I looked for a support group. I knew I would need more help in processing my journey than I would be able to do on my own. Finding none in the immediate area, I entered grief support groups in my search engine. The results were astounding. Picking over these, I joined a few to start with that seemed to be the best fit. The nicest thing I found was the availability and ease with which groups could be entered. The fact that there is such a diversity among the groups makes it easier to find one that will fit your needs.
Benefits of Online Support Groups
Continuous Support: The popularity of online support is that it is easy. You can share your thoughts, your feelings, the ups and downs of grief. You can share in others grief too. Having a connection, no matter how tenuous, is important. By sharing this grief, we can find others that feel and experience the same things. It is through this sharing that everyone realizes they are not alone. No longer does a person feel like they are going crazy for what they think or feel. By helping others, we begin to process our own journey. This is the purpose of such support groups.
No Time Limit: With face-to-face groups, many often may feel that someone is “hogging” the share time. You also have to wait until the next meeting time to be able to share your experiences. In online communities, you find that you can post and share regardless of the time spent by others sharing their grief. You still get responses to questions, feedback on your emotions, but there is no “time” limit. I have found this to be particularly helpful in that I can share any time, night or day. Having that feeling of others to help you when you need it is beyond compare
When you join these communities, there is a vast array of people at different stages of their grief. Many conventional support groups run a certain length of time, then you “graduate.” While these groups are beneficial, not everyone grieves the same way or in the same amount of time. This journey is unique to each person and the relationship to the person who died. Setting a time limit of when you should be through it is an old fashioned idea that just doesn’t work. This has been helpful to me because it means that my walk through this process is not on a fixed schedule or that I am stuck just because I am not at a certain point at a certain time.
No Judging About What Stage You Are In: With the wide experiences of the online community, it can give hope to the new comers, while allowing the “old timers” a chance to share what knowledge they have gained. The widow who has been trying to piece her life together can get hope from the widow/er who has started to move forward. Sharing their experiences, each side can benefit from the other. After many family and friends have disappeared, the grieving person looks for others to help them process everything. The benefit of this is, in most online communities, there is little judging of where you are at in your process. There is no one telling you to get over it or move on. The people in these groups understand what you are experiencing.
Free Support: One of the biggest benefits to online groups compared to conventional groups is that, often times, there is a fee involved in the conventional groups. Few online support communities do ask for a fee, but it is relatively minimal compared to the weekly cost of the conventional group. For those hard pressed for money, they can still get the support they need without an added expense. There are no special books to buy, all you need is your computer and internet access.
No Set Meeting Time: Another benefit of online support groups is that you can “go” when it is more convenient to you. It is not a scheduled time, and there always seems to be someone on to “talk” to. You can make several friends, and discover how people from all over the world seem to have the same thoughts, feelings and experiences that you do. This helps people to realize that while their grief is unique to them, everyone shares a similarity that is so desperately needed when you are grieving. I have had problems sleeping because of nightmares associated with my loss. It was nice to be able to jump on in the middle of the night and find someone there who was also having sleep problems. Sharing between us, a lot of times I was able to get some sleep, knowing that what I was feeling was normal.
Negatives in Online Grief Support Groups
Continuous Postings Reminds You of Your Own Loss: One of the biggest problems with online or social media support groups is that people can be bogged down. Checking in daily or hourly can be quite depressing. Seeing all the different people, reading their posts, one can become stuck in their grief. Knowing when to back off can be difficult to discern. This can create even worse havoc in a person life than the grief they are feeling. I have had this happen to me, would check in to see how others were doing and to share a small step forward, only to be brought down by some of the posts. Seeing what others post about what they are missing or how they are missing their loved ones reminded me all over again of my own loss.
Isolation: Another big issue, is that when you can get your support at home, you don’t have to go out of your house and face the world. This can cause you to isolate from your friends and family. Part of grieving is figuring out how to live your life without your loved one. I found myself isolating because I didn’t have to go out. I had isolated myself to the computer, not going out and trying to live forward. I found that this kept me stuck in my depression. It increased the feelings of the world just doesn’t understand what his loss has meant to me. The people in the group do. I will just stay there
While grief is a normal part of life, how we deal with it and where we get our support is important. Using online social media sites or online support communities is one way to begin to process your grief. But know when to step back, knowing when to start dealing with the world around you is an important part of this process. Making sure you do not become stuck in any part of this process is up to you to decide if you are ready to move forward.