You gotta admit, the Bible has some great stories in it. As a child I thought a lot about these stories wondering how they could happen, but since it was the Bible and written by God himself over a long weekend, I never thought they might not have happened.
From a talking snake in the Garden of Eden, to a guy named Jonah who spent three days and three nights in the belly of a great fish, whew…it was all very cool stuff.
I always pictured Jonah sitting in the fish’s stomach on a three legged stool swallowed earlier in the day, around a small fire that he built to sit around and think of just how he got into this mess. I loved imagining how it must have felt to get puked up on the shore, but never wondered how the “whale” got close enough to get him on the beach. I guess it was projectile vomiting or something like that on the part of the fish. You know, kinda like the guy shot out of a cannon. Anyway, great story and it was a reminder to me that if you are ever on a cruise, don’t piss off the crew, but was taught that it was a story about Jesus being in the tomb. Theologians call it the “Sign of Jonah,” which is either this story or the fact that Ninevah repented, depending on which Gospel you read. Too bad Jonah isn’t around today to make another trip to Iraq. He seems to have had a knack at getting people to change their evil ways. Ninevah. after all, is just across the river from Mosul in Iraq.
Anyway, I always loved the talking animal stories. As a kid I would stare at my dog and ask him, when no one was looking of course, if he could talk and just choose not to? We had a lot of those stare downs where I was pretty sure that he could talk but was mocking me with his silence. I felt that when I turned my back on him, he stuck his tongue out at me and smiled like a human, just for a moment. If he had walked away, I might not have felt that way, but when I looked at him, he looked back and stared at me as long as I stared at him. I knew he was thinking about whether or not to spring a well formulated sentence on me and then never do it again, just so I would know he could. Be he held onto his secret throughout his entire life. But still I knew he could talk if he wanted to. Animals talked in the Bible after all so it can’t be a unique thing, just a less chosen option.
Here is a great story that I thought was really really true. It’s about the false prophet, Balaam who was told to curse Israelites in their desert wanderings, but always ended up blessing them, or something like that. He went on to become a symbol of all that was evil in other parts of the book. But Balaam at least knew what I knew. Animals can talk and it is not something anyone should ever doubt.
“Balaam got up in the morning, saddled his donkey and went with the princes of Moab. But God was very angry when he went, and the angel of the LORD stood in the road to oppose him. Balaam was riding on his donkey, and his two servants were with him. When the donkey saw the angel of the LORD standing in the road with a drawn sword in his hand, she turned off the road into a field. Balaam beat her to get her back on the road.”
So here it is obvious that donkeys can pick up on the vibrational frequencies that Angels of the Lord wiggle at, but humans can’t. How cool is that! This explains to me why my cat can be calm one minute and then running all over the apartment looking up and down and then running to another place checking out the wall. That cat is seeing Angels of the Lord in my apartment and I am just thinking the cat is nuts.
Also, the donkey was only doing what a donkey does well…preserving itself. As noted in Wikepedia.
“Donkeys have a reputation for stubbornness, but this is due to some handlers’ misinterpretation of their highly-developed sense of self preservation. It is difficult to force or frighten a donkey into doing something it sees as contrary to its own best interest, as opposed to horses who are much more willing to, for example, go along a path with unsafe footing.”
So we know the Donkey saw something. No doubt the Angel of the Lord! 🙂
“Then the angel of the LORD stood in a narrow path between two vineyards, with walls on both sides. When the donkey saw the angel of the LORD, she pressed close to the wall, crushing Balaam’s foot against it. So he beat her again.”
The Angel of the Lord must have been guarding like one would see in a basketball game. Sword and hands all over the place to keep that poor donkey terrified and in a position now to bash ‘ol Balaam foot and get bashed herself again as well. I say don’t ever bash a donkey, and certainly not a female one. Maybe it’s only the female one’s that can talk and will if you push them. Mr. Ed could talk and I believe he was male, so we can assume that being closely related to the donkey, male donkies could also talk.
“Then the angel of the LORD moved on ahead and stood in a narrow place where there was no room to turn, either to the right or to the left. When the donkey saw the angel of the LORD, she lay down under Balaam, and he was angry and beat her with his staff.”
This is going from bad to worse for sure and for the third and final time, this extra vibrational sensitive donkey gets a good bashing and then the camel dung hits the fan.
“Then the LORD opened the donkey’s mouth, and she said to Balaam, Hey! poop for brains!” No just kidding, but this must have been my problem with my dog. The Lord had to open Buffy’s mouth to speak to me and I know he wanted to, but wasn’t getting permission from the Lord to do so, so at least we have cleared that childhood disappointment of mine up. The dog was not himself messing with me. He just had not permisison to speak.
“And she said to Balaam, “What have I done to you to make you beat me these three times?” Balaam answered the donkey, “You have made a fool of me! If I had a sword in my hand, I would kill you right now.” The donkey said to Balaam, “Am I not your own donkey, which you have always ridden, to this day? Have I been in the habit of doing this to you?” “No,” he said.
Well there you have it. A talking donkey was no biggie to Balaam. He never seems to miss a beat when she starts having a chat with him about these bashings. I don’t know about you, but had my Cocker Spaniel really said anything to me, I would have run yelping and screaming into the house and never gone near that dog again! Well maybe later I would have gone back to ask,”what did you say,” but it would have be really scary waiting for another answer. Balaam just has a great conversation with the animal as if they had talked a few hours ago over breakfast.
“Then the LORD opened Balaam’s eyes, and he saw the angel of the LORD standing in the road with his sword drawn. So he bowed low and fell facedown. The angel of the LORD asked him, “Why have you beaten your donkey these three times? “
“Oh well, because she wouldn’t move, bashed my foot against a stone wall and then collapsed. All I really was looking for was an easy ride on this really nice road,” Balaam may have thought to himself. However, once your eyes are opened to that extra dimensional vibrational Angel of the Lord frequency, it is best to just say, “Sorry.”
“I have come here to oppose you because your path is a reckless one before me. The donkey saw me and turned away from me these three times. If she had not turned away, I would certainly have killed you by now, but I would have spared her.” Balaam said to the angel of the LORD, “I have sinned. I did not realize you were standing in the road to oppose me. Now if you are displeased, I will go back.” Numbers 22:21-35 (NIV) “
“Well at least that explains this whole thing,” Balaam might have been thinking but was wise not to say, although high frequency, extra dimensional Angel’s of the Lord know what you’re thinking too, so you can’t win. Evidently the only thing that saved Balaam from a good beheading was that the donkey could see the Angel. Now it doesn’t say that the Angel opened the eyes of the donkey, so we can assume that at least all donkies and probably all animals can see these things as a matter of fact and can talk. Sure explains a lot about cats.
So Balaam is stuck between his talking donkey and a threatening Angel. There is nothing left to do but repent, which he does nicely. He does mention, much like we might to a police officer after being run into, that if he had seen the Angel coming too, he would have been more careful and respectful. So I personaly think if you don’t see the Angel and neither of your two servants see it, you are somewhat off the hook for the moment. As a minister we always kidded about how God could only get to Balaam by talking to him through his ass…Balaam’s not God’s…never mind.
Well what’s the point? The point is that animals can talk…doi. The Bible tells me so. They just need permission. We can be assurred that when cat’s meow, dogs bark, snakes sssssssssssssssssss and donkeys bray, they are teasing us and playing with our sensibilities. I’m going to go and stare my cat right in the eyes now until he cracks and confesses that he has been able to talk all along. And when he asks, “So, how did you finally catch on? I never really ever let on to you that I could talk.” I will be able to say that the Bible betrayed him and all his friends, and things around the apartment will never quite be the same again.