Although you do want to experience your anger fully, you don’t want it to take you over and contaminate your actions. Anger can be an intense emotion. You may very well feel propelled to lash out or take some other action leading to undesirable consequences. Instead…

The 3rd Rule of Anger: Process your anger instead of reacting to it.

Use any or all of the following three techniques:

Technique #1: Defuse your anger, using:

Breathing: Take a few slow, deep breaths and concentrate on your breathing
Visualization: Imagine yourself at the beach or by a lake or anywhere that makes you feel calm and peaceful
Self-Talk: Keep telling yourself:
- Calm down.
- I don’t need to prove myself.

Try other thoughts/actions that have calmed you in the past

Technique #2: Learn to talk about your feelings. For example:

Involve a third party (e.g., spouse or friend) as a sounding board
Write an angry letter (that you don’t necessarily mail)
Use an empty chair – imagine the person at whom you’re angry is in the chair and vent

Technique #3: Choose a constructive means to purge your tension:

Exercise, sports, games – expend that adrenaline non-violently
Relaxation, e.g., deep breathing, massage, hot bath, gentle music or nature sounds
Take a time out
Channel your anger into appropriate protests, e.g., M.A.D.D. [This option is great for righteous anger – use it to change the world (or your corner of it) for the better!]

How do you process anger?

See our other articles on Anger Management to learn about the four other rules and about the two ways many people violate those rules (by stuffing or escalating their anger).

The 3rd Rule of Anger – Process it Using Three Techniques

The 3rd Rule of Anger – Process it Using Three Techniques