One of the more common sexual fantasies in both men and women is to engage in a threesome. While the activity has the allure of a gratifying sexual experience, there are a number of factors that must be considered prior to having one. Some couples will propose a threesome as a way to jump-start their sexual relationship. The belief is that it could be a way to bring spontaneity and excitement back to the relationship if it has suffered periods of time where things have been monotonous and uninteresting. Couples that decide to invite another person into their bedroom must understand the consequences of such an action and what it could mean to the overall health and longevity of the relationship.
Threesomes differ from regular sex in the sense that the attention levels between each person will not be equally divided. Sex with one person allows for an easier exchange of give-and-take between both parties. When a third person is introduced, it is very possible that someone inside the relationship could develop feelings of inadequacy, especially if their partner is paying too much attention to the outsider. At first, the fantasy of a threesome may seem very appealing until you see your partner being intimate with the other person. Now what was supposed to be an exciting, sexual experience has now raised insecurity, trust and jealousy issues.
Some couples do not thoroughly discuss the potential ramifications prior to having a threesome. The attraction of the activity can distract from making sure an in-depth conversation takes place about how each person would truly feel about having a threesome. Since each person has their own tolerance level of what they find comfortable, it is imperative to determine what the rules and boundaries are; who gets to touch whom, is sexual penetration extended to the third person, is kissing allowed, etc. All of these factors should be carefully discussed with your partner to make certain that neither one crosses those lines. One could feel threatened by the newcomer, particularly if boundaries are not adhered to or if it appears that your partner is achieving greater levels of pleasure with the other person. Couples that enter into a threesome without discussing the boundaries and what is acceptable behavior may be setting themselves up for a hurtful experience.
It is very possible that such a sexual experience can bring a couple closer together. They may discover a new awareness of how to best please their partner by watching them be involved with someone else. Also, it can give someone a great deal of joy to see their partner be satisfied on a different level. A couple that can share in such an experience with an open-minded perspective can possibly drive the relationship to grow and develop in a new dimension. They may also find that the experience expands their levels of trust. If you can watch your partner perform sexually with another person without fear, doubting or judging them, you may have a relationship that transcends the physical aspects of sex and find that the grown closer, not only in intimacy, but in other areas of the relationship as well.
The bottom line is some people do not consider the side effects of having a threesome until after it has occurred. By then, it may be too late to take back any unwanted feelings or actions that have already transpired. While having a threesome is certainly an erotic sexual fantasy, perhaps that is the whole point; a fantasy is a mental escape from the confines of real life. If you find that the consequences of having a threesome will have a negative impact on the relationship, then it might be best to keep the illusion of the fantasy instead of dealing with the regrets of reality.